All Grown Up.
In my childhood, I was seeking to feel loved and wanted, (what child doesn’t) but I never really got that feeling from my family… I felt distant, left out and unwanted. I often use to look at my reflection in the mirror and try to look deep inside myself to try and understand what was really going on in my head (it didn’t work). From a very early age, I always use to think a lot about whether there Is a God or not? If he does really exists? How did humans get here? What is the meaning of life? Where did everything originate? Etc.
I had been a victim of abuse from certain members of my family in my childhood. One of them would try to get to know me more and started to tell me all his predictions, as he is a clairvoyant/medium), so I thought well if all the family believes in him then it must be true.
We were alone in my mothers house one evening, when I was propositioned for sex by this family member, who was old enough to be my father. I thought he was testing me or playing as he used mind games in the past… I looked at his face and realised that it was a genuine question. I was so shocked, I refused in disgust. Then everything was quiet as we carried on watching tv. Then all of a sudden he walked over to me and held a £20 note in his hand…. He said “Here” and offered it to me I said, “what is that for?” he replied saying “IT IS TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!” I politely declined and carried on as normal.
A couple of months after this, I started college, a fresh start for me, a chance to get somewhere in life. I ended up in a 9 month relationship but it wasn’t successful, I knew something was missing (there was always something missing in my life but I couldn’t put my finger on it!) so we decided to call it a day. I went to a different college determined to concentrate on my education and not let anything get in my way. God had other plans, it was at this college and on this course I was to meet a man who had been praying for a wife for 4 years, and someone who God wanted me to love for the rest of my life, although I was unaware at the time!
I had never met someone like him before, I was intrigued and determined to know more, slowly going against everything I had set out to do. I made a move on him and gave him a kiss, but then regretted doing so as I wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do at that time, as I was still not fully over the previous relationship, but he understood and was a gentleman about it all, which made me fall in love with him more, although I didn’t know it at the time. After a lot of thought and a something inside telling me to go for it, I made a move on him again a few weeks later, only this time I was stopped he explained that he was a Christian and that it wasn’t the right behavior. I was confused, I had only just got round to the idea that it was ok for people to have relationships outside of marriage, due to watching everyone else do it around me, although it didn’t feel right in my previous relationship, I felt unclean, so when he told me this it was interesting to me, I had never came accross a christian before, so I asked him what one was, he explained, and to my surprise, I thought I was one too, as I had done good deeds in the past, in my own eyes I wasn’t too bad, boy was I in for a shock!
I knew I believed in God and Jesus, I even had a giddeons bible from when I was at high school. But I didn’t know the God of the bible nor what Jesus had and still is doing for ME. After listening to the good news of Salvation through Jesus Christ, I wanted to know more, so I gave my life to the Lord in front of my then future husband.
After this I felt happy and an indescribable feeling of freedom and as if a whole weight had been lifted off my shoulders, clean, fresh and full of life and at peace. In August of that same year I got baptised and the year after in 2002 we got married and have been happily married ever since, and the Lord has blessed us with 3 children.
I thank Jesus every day for my salvation because I know that I can only be saved and go to see the father through HIM Jesus Christ! John 14:6 ” I am the WAY, the TRUTH and the LIFE! NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER EXCEPT THROUGH ME!”
Jesus filled that what was missing in my life, I am unworthy of the mercy and grace He has shown me, I am a new creation in Him. It is my prayer that my family members are able to find the same peace and assurance. And soon!